The Prevention Review: What You Really Really Want

What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl's Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety

Friedman, J. (2011). What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety. Berkeley, CA: Seal Press.

For some time now we have been attempting to reframe conversations about sexual violence and consent, shifting the focus away from negative things that we see happening and promoting the positive things that we want to happen. One example of this is the change from using a “no means no” approach, which does not fully represent consent, to using a “yes means yes” approach, which promotes enthusiastic and informed consent to sexual experiences. Broadening our understanding of consent is just one aspect of building a culture of healthy sexuality. These efforts to promote norms of healthy sexuality are an important part of changing conditions that allow for sexual violence to occur.

Jaclyn Friedman, author of What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety, attempts to further the concept of healthy sexuality as violence prevention by creating space to truly examine the social construction of sexuality and encourage exploration of sexual identity. This book takes a sex-positive approach to addressing a variety of topics that intersect with sexual violence work and impact the development of sexual identity. Some of the important pieces that Friedman addresses include rape, sexual harassment, homophobia, victim blaming, pregnancy and STDs, sexual orientation, gendered stereotypes, class, gender identity, and sexual trauma. Of course there is a lot of discussion about positive things as well, such as consent, love, sex, boundaries, self-care, and relationships.

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